Let’s talk about trauma

Trauma. The word is so overused and under-understood. As I’ve engaged the stories of others in one-on-one counseling and in groups, as well as my own, I’ve come to understand that trauma, like other mental health issues, is understood on a spectrum.

As a trauma-informed therapist, I approach each client with a basic assumption that what has brought them to therapy has been caused in part by unprocessed trauma (little “t” or big “T”). It’s the idea that unwanted behavior and thinking, difficulty in relationships, anxiety, addiction, etc. are a result of interruptions in a person’s sense of safety in the world, a sense of self as a creative agent in their life and in their community, and/or shame scripts set in motion by ruptures in attachment, abuse, grief, loss, betrayal (types of traumas). In short, trauma interrupts our capacity to love and be loved. 

“Trauma” takes many forms: event-driven, such as a car accident or witnessing a shooting; complex, repeated trauma that occurs over a long period of time (such as childhood physical abuse or neglect, living with an abusive spouse, or being a part of a spiritually abusive organization); or moments when something happens in our life that we can’t make sense of or integrate into our experience of self—one that remains “stuck” and keeps influencing the way we think or behave.

“To love and be loved,” can sound so nebulous, but what I’m really talking about here is the ability to be at home in yourself (to feel seen, safe, soothed, and secure as psychologist and author, Curt Thompson explains) so that you can receive the love of others as well as give it. Real love requires trust, attachment, and rest (safety/security) in order to give it and receive it in ways that are life-giving, generative, and bring us to joy.

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